Check-ins
Six check-ins for couples
Short, honest self-assessments about the two of you — satisfaction, attachment, the loop your arguments fall into, the mental load, your time together, and everyday trust. Free, no signup, and your answers never leave your browser.
How it feels
The three that ask about the relationship as a whole — how satisfied you are, how you attach, and how you argue.
What it runs on
The three that ask about the machinery underneath — who does the thinking, what happens to your time, and whether the ordinary promises hold.
None of these is a clinical assessment, and none of them can tell you what to do. They are structured ways to look at something you already half know — useful for starting a conversation, not for settling one.
Why these six
Couples-only, research-grounded, and free
For couples, not for individuals
Every question is about a relationship you are in. None of these are personality tests wearing a relationship coat.
Grounded, and honest about where
One is a research instrument implemented exactly as published, with the paper linked. The other five are ours, and those pages say so in the first screen rather than the small print.
Free, and free of a signup wall
Results appear the moment you finish. No account, no card, and no email required to see them.
Your answers stay with you
Scoring happens in your browser. Only the final score is sent anywhere, and only to write the note underneath it.
Every result, in advance
What each result means
Nothing here is hidden behind taking one. These are the interpretations, exactly as the check-ins give them.
The relationship satisfaction check-in
- A hard stretch0–35
- This score sits well below 51.5, the point the researchers who built this measure treat as the line for notable dissatisfaction. That is worth taking seriously, and it is not a verdict on whether the relationship works — it is a reading of how it feels to you right now.
- Below the line36–51
- This score sits below 51.5, the point the researchers who built this measure treat as the line for notable dissatisfaction. Plenty of couples score here during a specific bad season rather than a bad relationship, and the measure cannot tell those apart — only you can.
- Above the line52–64
- This score sits above 51.5, the cutoff the researchers who built this measure use for notable dissatisfaction, and near the average they published for people who take it. Satisfied, with real things you would change.
- Well above the line65–81
- This score sits well above 51.5, the cutoff the researchers who built this measure use for notable dissatisfaction. On the day you answered, most of what this measure asks about is going well.
The attachment style check-in
- Steady-leaning
- Both readings came out on the lower half. You tend to be able to say what you need without much fear of losing them, and to let them close without needing to manage it. This is a description of a tendency, not a grade.
- Reaching-leaning
- Your reading on needing closeness came out higher than your reading on keeping distance. When something feels off, your instinct is to move toward them and get it resolved — which is a strength when it is met, and exhausting when it is not.
- Distancing-leaning
- Your reading on keeping distance came out higher than your reading on needing closeness. Your instinct under strain is to handle it yourself first — which keeps you steady, and can read to a partner as a door closing.
- Both at once
- Both readings came out on the higher half, which is the pattern people find hardest to describe: wanting to be close and needing to protect yourself at the same time. It is common, it is not a contradiction, and it is not a diagnosis of anything.
The conflict pattern check-in
- Pursue and distance
- One of you moves toward the problem and one of you moves away from it, and each move makes the other one's move more necessary. This is the most studied pattern in couples research. It is a loop, not a fault, and either of you can be standing in either position depending on whose issue is on the table.
- Mutual escalation
- You both move toward the fight. Nobody leaves, which means nothing gets avoided — and it also means it gets loud, and old material comes back in. Couples in this loop often have plenty of contact and very little settling.
- Mutual avoidance
- Neither of you moves toward it. The house is calm and the list of things nobody raises is getting longer. This loop is the quietest one to live in and the hardest one to notice, because from the inside it can look like getting along.
- Flexible
- No single loop dominates, and the answers about afterwards came out strong: things get raised, they get heard, and they get repaired within a day or so. That last part is what separates couples who fight from couples who are in trouble.
The mental-load check-in
- Fairly evenly held0–12
- Across these twelve questions, the noticing, the deciding and the remembering are not landing mostly on one person. This is your reading of one week, and a partner answering the same questions might place it somewhere else — that gap is usually the more interesting conversation.
- Tilted13–24
- More of the thinking work sits with you than not, though it is a long way from all of it. Loads in this range usually tilt in one or two specific places rather than everywhere at once, which makes them easier to name than they are to notice.
- Mostly yours25–36
- On most of what these questions ask about — seeing it coming, deciding it, and checking it happened — you are the one doing it. That work is real whether or not it has ever been named, and it does not show up in any list of who did which chore.
- Nearly all yours37–48
- You answered near the top of this scale on almost every question, which describes running a household in your head more or less continuously. That is worth saying out loud rather than absorbing. It is also not a verdict on your partner — this work is genuinely hard to see from outside it.
The time-together check-in
- Largely protected0–12
- Your answers describe time together that mostly survives contact with the week: it happens, you are both actually in it, and it is not all logistics. What protects time like that is usually two or three specific habits rather than luck, which is worth knowing before a busy season tests them.
- Squeezed13–24
- There is time, and it is under pressure — from tiredness, from screens, or from being whatever is left at the end of the day. Time feeling scarce and time being scarce are different problems, and the questions you answered highest are the ones that tell you which of them this is.
- Thin25–36
- On most of these questions the answer was close to yes: not much just-the-two-of-you time, attention divided when it happens, and a shape that repeats. This is one of the most commonly described states in couples research, and it is usually built out of small defaults rather than a decision anybody made.
- Running in parallel37–48
- Your answers describe two lives running alongside each other with not much in the middle. That is a description of a season rather than a verdict on a relationship, and it is also the state people usually mean when they say they have drifted. It rarely turns around without something being changed on purpose.
The trust and dependability check-in
- Steady0–12
- Across these questions the everyday version of trust — small things said and then done — is mostly holding. That is the part of trust built and spent in ordinary weeks rather than in dramatic moments, and it is the part people tend to notice only once it has gone.
- Patchy13–24
- Some of it holds and some of it does not, and the unevenness is the finding rather than the level. Trust that is patchy usually has a specific shape — a particular kind of promise, or a particular situation — and a shape is far more workable than a conclusion about the whole relationship.
- Guarded25–36
- Your answers describe holding something back: doing it yourself, building in a margin, checking rather than assuming. That is a reasonable response to being let down more than once. It is also the thing that makes the next repair harder to believe, which is the bind this band is really about.
- Worn through37–48
- On most of these questions the answer was near the top of the scale, which describes reliability that has stopped being something you can plan around. Something at this level is usually past what a check-in can help with, and it is a reasonable point to talk to a person rather than a page.
Questions
About these check-ins
Are these relationship tests free?
Yes. All six are free, there is no account to create, and no card is asked for at any point. Results appear the moment you finish rather than behind an email form. You can have your report emailed to you afterwards if you want it, and nothing is withheld until you do.
Which one should I take first?
If you are not sure, the relationship satisfaction check-in is the one with a published research instrument behind it and the broadest question. If something specific brought you here, take the one named after it — the mental load if you feel like you are running everything, time together if you feel like housemates, trust if what gets said does not always get done, and the conflict pattern if it is the same argument every time.
Do I need to sign up to see my results?
No. Your answers are scored in your browser and the result appears immediately. You can optionally have the result emailed to you afterwards, but nothing is withheld until you do.
Are these tests scientifically valid?
One of them is a published research instrument implemented exactly as its authors specify — the Couples Satisfaction Index, with its paper linked on the page. The other five are written by us around published constructs, with the papers behind the ideas cited, and those pages say so in their first screen rather than in the small print. None of them is a clinical assessment, and none of the five has a cutoff or a norm group behind it.
Can my partner take them too?
Yes, and comparing two results is usually more useful than either one alone. Each person takes it separately on their own device, and we do not link the two results or show one person's answers to the other. The mental-load check-in is the one where two people most often answer very differently, and that gap is usually the conversation worth having.
Are these a diagnosis?
No. They are self-reflection check-ins. Nothing here is reviewed by a clinician, none of them can tell you what to do, and a result is a snapshot of how one person feels in one week. If you want a professional opinion, that is a conversation with a licensed couples therapist.
A check-in names it. A session does something about it.
Your first session with Elena is free, runs the full time, and asks for no card.