The mental-load check-in
Twelve questions about the thinking work — noticing it, deciding it, and remembering that it got done. Not who did the dishes. Who knew the dishes needed doing.
12 questions · about 3 minutes · free · no signup
This is a self-reflection check-in, not a clinical assessment, and the twelve questions are ours rather than a validated instrument. It describes how one week feels to one person. It cannot tell you what a fair split would be for your household, and it is not evidence to bring to an argument.
Free · no signup · about 3 minutes
What you’ll get
- A score out of 48, computed in your browser
- Three sub-readings — noticing, deciding, and keeping track
- Which quarter of the scale you land in, and what that describes
- A short written note, and one thing to try this week
What it measures
In plain language
Not who does the tasks. Who does the thinking that has to happen before a task exists. Sociologists call it cognitive labour, and the useful thing about the research is that it breaks into parts: noticing that something will be needed, working out the options and deciding, and then keeping track that it actually happened.
Those three are the three groups of questions here, and they come apart in practice more often than people expect. Plenty of households split the deciding evenly and leave all the noticing with one person, which is why “we share everything fifty-fifty” and “I carry all of it” are both said, sincerely, in the same kitchen.
This measures one person’s week. It is a description of where the thinking is sitting, not proof of anything about the person who is not answering — that work is genuinely hard to see from outside it, which is most of why it goes unnamed.
Every result
What each outcome means
Written out in advance, so nothing about this check-in is hidden behind taking it.
- Fairly evenly held0–12
- Across these twelve questions, the noticing, the deciding and the remembering are not landing mostly on one person. This is your reading of one week, and a partner answering the same questions might place it somewhere else — that gap is usually the more interesting conversation.
- Tilted13–24
- More of the thinking work sits with you than not, though it is a long way from all of it. Loads in this range usually tilt in one or two specific places rather than everywhere at once, which makes them easier to name than they are to notice.
- Mostly yours25–36
- On most of what these questions ask about — seeing it coming, deciding it, and checking it happened — you are the one doing it. That work is real whether or not it has ever been named, and it does not show up in any list of who did which chore.
- Nearly all yours37–48
- You answered near the top of this scale on almost every question, which describes running a household in your head more or less continuously. That is worth saying out loud rather than absorbing. It is also not a verdict on your partner — this work is genuinely hard to see from outside it.
Questions
About the mental-load check-in
What is the mental load?
The thinking work behind running a household: noticing that something will be needed before anybody asks, researching and deciding it, and then keeping track that it happened. Research on household labour separates it from the physical work because the two do not always sit with the same person — one partner can do half the tasks while the other holds the whole list in their head.
Is this a validated mental load test?
No, and there is not one to use. The research on cognitive labour is time-use and interview work — it describes the thing carefully without publishing a questionnaire anyone can license. So the twelve questions here are ours, written around the published description, and the way they are added up is ours too. There is no cutoff and no norm group behind the result.
What does a high score mean?
That most of the noticing, deciding and remembering in your household is currently landing on you. The four bands are quarters of our own scale, not thresholds from a paper: 0–12, 13–24, 25–36 and 37–48. A high reading is a description of one person’s week, not a measurement of a relationship and not a verdict on a partner.
Should my partner take it too?
It is more useful with both, and it is the check-in where two results differ most. Each of you answers on your own device and neither sees the other’s answers. The gap between two readings is usually the conversation worth having — the work is invisible by design, so a partner who scores it low is often not disagreeing with you, they are describing what they can see.
How long does it take?
About three minutes. Twelve questions, one per screen, and you can go back and change any answer before you finish. No signup, no card, and your answers are scored in your browser.
Something to do about it
- The First DraftWorksheet · about 10 minutes · free
- Two CirclesAgreement · about 20 minutes · free
Ready when you are
3 minutes, one question per screen, and your result the moment you finish. Nothing is held back for an email address.